Introduction of Arthur Stout to the Scribes of Strength Community

It is with great honor and heartfelt appreciation that I introduce Arthur Stout to the Scribes of Strength blog community. I first met Arthur a few years ago when he was initially diagnosed with ALS, and I had the privilege of being his peer mentor during those times.

Life's journey often takes us on unexpected paths, and although I lost touch with Arthur for a while, I am thrilled to see him join our community once again. Arthur brings with him a deeply personal testimony about his evolution with ALS, a narrative that is both poignant and inspiring.

Rather than attempting to encapsulate his experience, I will let Arthur share his story, which he does with raw and genuine sentiment. Here is his powerful piece, “At Peace.”

~At Peace

This world is not a peaceful one.

From the beginning and now,

the human race, is a violent race...

God created us, but we are distracted from Him,

we reject Him,

we don’t listen,

it is too much bother,

instead, we follow the path that rewards our temptations,

this is the “broad road that leads to destruction”,

not, “the narrow road and few will find it”,

to be “at peace” while living here, in this place, is a strange anomaly.

What is there to be at peace about anyway?

After all, Satan has dominion here, in this dimension - this- “reality.”

I don’t have an answer.

But I have a story:

All my life I have been a warrior, ready to engage in battle.

My mother used to say that I couldn’t wait to get out of her womb, I was my mother’s sixth pregnancy, so she had had experience.

She said I was like no other child she had carried, I was always moving, the most active of all.

And for the first 50 years of my life, that’s how I lived, moving, always on the move,

never stopping,

never listening for another voice, another way,

another road, other than the, “broad one.”

Satan had his way with me, as he does with all those, that are not prepared; I was short tempered, I disregarded my affect on people and the consequences of my actions,

I was very distant from any inner peace,

I didn’t want it.

I enjoyed the way I was, the daily war that I was waging,

And it gave me energy, even though it was negative energy, it was powerful,

I was addicted to it,

like any addiction, consuming

my mind, body and spirit.

I would create a battlefield for myself, even when there was none present,

from the womb and to 50 years, that was my life.

Then one day a doctor said plainly, “you have ALS.”

He said it as plainly as a doctor would say, “you have the flu”, emotionlessly,

while,

looking me in the eye.

“utter nonsense!” I said angrily,

I stormed out.

What bullshit I thought,

I do not have ALS,

I continued in my rage,

I am a conqueror,

I am a warrior,

I am invincible.

All of my life I had been looking for a fight, “anybody wanna go?”

That was my motto.

So He gave me what I had been looking for, the ultimate battle,

the ultimate adversary,

Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis,

the ultimate, unbeatable, undeniable,

foe.

But still, I was with rage,

still, I was invincible,

I had no fear,

After all, I was invincible.

And in fact, I was, in a way, invincible, because my mind stayed fluent, as my body began to change; first in my left arm, it was shrinking, while my right arm kept it’s, defined, sinewy, muscles,

I was becoming lopsided, noticeably.

Even then, I did not believe that I had ALS, after all; doctors really have no idea what it is, they don’t know what causes it, they have no cure for it,

It just simply happens.

As my body continued it’s slow, miraculous, altering, progress,

my mind still remained.

And, so, with my body changing, so did my life.

I was forced to slow down, my days searching for a battlefield were now, over,

the battlefield had come to me.

So, there I sat.

As time passed, I realized that I was still alive, altered and altering, but still here in this queer dimension, I realized that nothing was of my control, I started to accept that there was a higher power that existed, other than me, I started to try to connect with that power.

I had never done that before; I had only focused on my own power.

Time, as it is relative, is not a true measure,

the present moment is the only true

form of time.

But for what it’s worth, the doctors used the clocks here, to determine my earthly destiny, “2 to 5 years” he said,

with no emotion at all.

I glared back at him,

“You don’t know shit,” I said to him with my eyes.

The 2 to 5 years he spoke of, has come to pass,

And as Satan’s demons feast on my flesh, I remain,

Along with my body, my world is shrinking,

the world had not changed, as it has not, and never will,

I have changed,

not by choice,

but I can no longer deny that I have lost my power,

I am no longer invincible.

But I can walk,

and I walk a lot.

My hands jammed in my pockets, because my arms swing limply by my sides, otherwise.

But I can walk.

Never before, have I been grateful for the gift I was given, this incredible functioning body, a perfect creation, every cell created to function together as one unit and a mind and spirit to control it.

To walk,

what a miracle.

And there I was, walking on the beach where I live, I had walked far,

and in doing so, escaped the crowded part,

People were sparse there, the way I like it and my mind was able to wander wherever it pleased.

I walked on the edge of the water, crystal clear emerald water, such that I had only seen here,

And sand so fine as, cold, mountain snow, soft but firm under foot, seabirds swooping, engaged in their own daily lives,

continuous rolling waves crashing into white foam at my feet,

warm April sunshine brightly everywhere,

A lonely white cloud, so white,

I was consumed by it all,

I was part of it,

And then a voice,

a person had said something, it was a black woman sitting on the beach, I hadn’t noticed her,

I heard what she said, and it was startling,

she was smiling up at me,

She was a big, beautiful woman,

a stranger,

there she sat by the edge of the sea,

looking at me with a radiant smile,

and she said, “you look like you are at peace.”

What did she say?

I thought,

Could she be talking to me?

Certainly not!

That is the one thing that I am not.

Never was -never will be,

but to my astonishment,

I “looked” like I was at peace.

Could it be?

Our eyes locked, for a moment, and I said, “yes, it is a good day” and I smiled also.

~Arthur Stout