Choosing Gratitude in the Face of Death

Upon receiving an ALS diagnosis, one is quickly told that the average life expectancy is 2-5 years. The other day (Dec. 3), I “made it” to my 5-year anniversary of receiving my ALS diagnosis. Yippee, I suppose? I mean, what am I supposed to do now? Do I get a consolation prize? Aside from the unrelenting gift of long-suffering, of course? The truth remains, however, there is no prize, there is no cure, and I am still living with a one-hundred percent terminal disease. As you may imagine, when living with an abhorrent disease like ALS it can be easy to become cynical, bitter, and unthankful. When one can no longer move without assistance and are totally dependent upon another person’s help to do anything, and when the only possible outcome is death, how else am I to respond? The cruelty of ALS is unfathomable, yet still I must, we must, continue moving forward. But how?

Shortly after I was diagnosed with ALS, I read several books for inspiration, courage, and hope from individuals who had, or who are, battling a similar situation as myself. One such book is a memoir written by Michael J. Fox called, No Time Like the Future: An Optimist Considers Mortality. In this book, Michael J. Fox writes, “With gratitude, optimism becomes sustainable.” These words immediately jolted me deep within; how could something seemingly so simple also be so powerful. Somehow, I knew this phrase and mentality would be vital to how I lived my life moving forward.

I recently found myself in a dark place, and if I am honest, I am still there to a degree. Come to think of it, I am not sure the darkness ever really leaves when living with this odious disease. But what I have come to arduously understand over the past 5-years is that darkness is only as powerful as we allow it to be. Since practicing this mentality and choosing to get back up after each falter throughout the past several years, I find myself being reminded of what Michael J. Fox wrote, “With gratitude, optimism becomes sustainable.” Take a moment to reflect on that phrase. The very essence of this phrase automatically begins to allow light to enter the dark places we so often find ourselves in. 

When I recently recalled this phrase, I was reminded that gratitude is a choice, and I was soon able to put everything into perspective. But this does not mean I ignored the “bad feelings” I was experiencing. Such feelings must be acknowledged and addressed prior to your assent into a place of gratitude, for such feelings are there for a reason. So, I started making a mental list of what I am thankful for, such as the fact that I still have the ability to talk and eat by mouth, the continuous support from family and friends, the concerts and Braves’ baseball games I experienced this year, being alive to see one daughter get married, another daughter getting engaged, and witnessing my son grow into a good and responsible young man. Additionally, rather than being angry with my body for “failing” me, I started thanking my body for everything it has allowed me to do and that it is still fighting for me. The list could go on, but I don’t want to bore you.

Gratitude is a daily choice for us all. It is an intentional choice. We do not have to be thankful for the circumstances we find ourselves in, however, we can be thankful in the circumstances we find ourselves in. Some days it is an easier choice to make, and other days it will not be an easy choice. But do not fret, for it is not the circumstances nor challenges that define us, but rather, it is how we respond to such circumstances and challenges. I know I will falter, it is part of the human experience, and I am okay with that because I will always choose and work to be thankful, even in the face of death. Will you join me on this endeavor? I sure hope you will.