Wondering Mind

One thing ALS gives you and doesn’t take away is all the questions it leaves you with. I wonder if I’m the only one with ALS who thinks this?

I wonder if I’ll be able to sleep tonight.

I wonder why I’m still alive when so many others have gone to heaven. I wonder.

I wonder if I’ll be able to see my children grow.

I wonder why this horrible condition picked me. I wonder.

I wonder how long I really have before I’m called up to heaven.

I wonder if today I’ll be okay or in pain. I wonder.

I wonder if this waterfall of saliva will drown me.

I wonder if my wife would stop loving me because I can’t show her love back anymore. I wonder.

I wonder who will take care of my family when I’m gone.

I wonder if tonight I won’t have to wake my wife up for help.

I wonder if today my wife can’t take it anymore.

I wonder if tomorrow will be the day I’m put in a medical facility. I wonder.

I wonder if this condition will break my mind.

I wonder if tomorrow is the day I give up.

I wonder if my heart will stop working.

I wonder if God or humans will have mercy on us and give us a cure.

I wonder if this condition will break my faith in God.

I wonder if today I can be a kind person because I don’t have much pain. I wonder.

I wonder if I should continue to be a pastor.

I wonder if I’ll be able to help someone today. I wonder.

I wonder if others are scared to sleep because they think they won’t awaken the next day. I wonder.

I wonder if others have trouble with their GoFundMe.

I wonder if doctors would stop treating us like numbers and treat us like regular human beings. I wonder.

I wonder if others have trouble expressing themselves.

I wonder if people will take some time to read this.

I wonder if others with this condition feel lonely in a room filled with a hundred people.

I wonder if others like me will not give up on themselves.

I wonder if my wondering mind could help others express themselves better.

I wonder why a big part of my friends and family won’t visit me. I wonder.

I wonder what part of my body will not work tomorrow.

I wonder how much longer I can take this.

Do you wonder like I wonder about everything?

If you made it this far, thank you. It’s been a very long time since I’ve written a poem. I just picked a few of my thoughts to put down. I think it’s not even half of what I wonder. The point of this poem is to help healthy people understand what runs through a person’s mind with ALS.

If I can continue to give hope to others, then I can feel like I still have a reason to be on this planet. I want to ask just one thing: if you can, write down in the comments one of your wonders that I didn’t mention. I like doing group mental exercises. It helps us stay mentally fit. Thank you!

J Escalera

BV Ambassador

I AM ALS Mentor

Not Today ALS!