When Bullies Try To Win!

Life is not easy, but we must push forward!

I don’t know where to begin, so I’m just writing a little bit of what’s running through my head. I came to this group a few years ago when I was lost and depressed. The thought of death and dealing with this disease became overwhelming. Before ALS, I spent most of my years serving my community as a communications technician. This work, by itself, helped connect hundreds of thousands of people.

When Superstorm Sandy hit the East Coast, I received a letter from our President, recognizing my efforts. I was one of hundreds of technicians charged with restoring our community’s communication systems. Before all that, I had a very rough childhood. As I grew older, I became a youth minister, working with thousands of children and even having articles written about my contributions. Later, during my karate years, I faced homelessness as a teenager. My master took it upon himself to teach me for free, and in turn, I did the same for kids in my community.

When I got sick, I felt completely lost. I couldn’t help anyone anymore and completely lost my sense of purpose. Without a purpose, it’s as if you’re no longer alive. Then, I found this group. After some time, I realized I could still help others, and that helped pull me out of depression. I enjoyed meeting so many new people and, before long, was sharing so much information that the group’s auto-settings started blocking my posts. Links or comments wouldn’t get approved, no matter how helpful they were.

After months of trying to fix this issue with no luck, the Admin made me a moderator. This was the only way I could post without restrictions. As a moderator, I received every alert from group members. I often found myself waking up in the middle of the night to assist them. I didn’t mind—I wasn’t waking up early for work anymore, after all. The group became my work.

However, things recently took a turn. It’s ironic: when I was helping at all hours and sharing hard-to-access information, everyone was happy. But the moment I made a comment, chaos ensued. A few months ago, a misunderstanding arose because I didn’t write something clearly. The same person who reported me then lied about what I had said.

This taught me the importance of keeping track of everything you say and do.

Not long after, this same member began bullying me over a comment I made. Rather than reach out to me directly, she decided to attack my character and honor. Around that time, I needed Admin’s help the most but received none. Instead, I was cast aside. I tried to vent through posts, but two of them were removed. Let’s see if this one stays. What’s worse is that other members have posted far more extreme things, and their posts remain.

Not many in the group know this, but I have family members and leaders from organizations I’ve volunteered with here. They were upset about how everything was handled. They even wanted to step in, but I asked them not to. I was willing to accept punishment for my mistakes. Still, this experience drained me. I’ve lost the will to continue helping. I feel like I’m back at square one—depressed and lost. How else could I feel?

Some in the community I loved to serve turned their back on me, with some members talking behind my back and trolling my comments until the day I made a mistake. To be fair, not everyone was like this—I’ve also made friends with some amazing members. But being bullied and abandoned by my leaders was devastating. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

I’ve been stripped of my position to appease the bully and others. I won’t be as active in the group anymore. To my friends, if you don’t see me around, I’m still here, and you can always message me. After everything that’s happened, my leaders may limit the information I can share. I’m sorry if this affects anyone, but I’ll still do my best to help with grant-related matters—just send me a DM. My posts will be limited moving forward. Thank you to everyone who has supported me, and hopefully, this post doesn’t get removed like the others. As I’ve said before, every time I try to vent, my posts are taken down.