Terminal Evolution

To hear ones mortality defined by a jumble of letters, when spoken out loud, is numbing. It is also the spark that lights a fuse you didn’t know you had. A fuse that burns at a different rate for each person. A fuse that also leads to a gradual evolution of heart, mind, and soul.

Initially this evolution is resisted, this is our nature; not me, not now, it can’t be! Gradually, as we come to terms with our mortality, our outlook shifts. There are ever-changing paths before us, as our perspectives evolve, accommodating our introspective exploration of our life.

We navigate between being a burden to our loved ones, and gratitude for still being alive. A razor sharp psychological tightrope walk, as we loose the physical ability. To the world we present a countenance of strength and resilience, while grappling with our impending demise.

I can’t speak for others, so I won’t. I have experienced a myriad of emotions, fears and mental fractures myself. These fractures lead to glimpses into those areas we tend to avoid. Such as our insecurities, doubts, and preconceptions. Questioning our very purpose and existence. Leading to truths about ourselves. Truths that can’t be expressed in words. They can only be expressed with a glance, a soft caress, but most are expressed in the tears we shed.

This evolution that ultimately allows us to be at peace, if we allow it. It can free us from guilt, the guilt that can consume us for believing we are a burden. The guilt of leaving our loved ones with shattered hearts. Ultimately understanding that no one is at fault for this.

All we ca hope to do is embrace what we have, and not focus so much on what we have lost. Yes it’s painful on many levels. Truly, and I mean TRULY, what can we do when facing death. Embrace the life we were given, appreciate the relationships we created, and accept the love offered to us as we close our eyes.

TJO